Onwards & Upwards!

WARNING: YET ANOTHER WAY TOO LONG, DRAWN OUT POST FOLLOWS THIS WARNING!


I’ve started and restarted this post several times on the computer, and a lot more in my mind. It’s been almost 2 months since I’ve posted anything here, and a hell of a lot longer since I’ve produced anything design related. I’d love to avoid a long bare-all personal kind of post, and just start posting again and be done with it, but while I don’t have a large amount of blog readers (and that isn’t actually why I keep a blog anyway), the few I do have mean a lot to me and I feel I want to give just a couple of explanations and apologies. I don’t really know what to say, but it’s a little bit of a goal of mine that I work it out today – these sort of things that one has procrastinated about have a way of getting harder and harder the longer you leave them!

When Travis was 8 months old, I was diagnosed with post natal depression by the clinic sister at the early childhood clinic here. She suggested that I make an appointment with my gp, which I did…. And promptly cancelled when my dear hubby had a very male moment and made it clear in no uncertain terms that he wanted me “happy” because I was happy, not because I was on some sort of medication.

I know that sounds very harsh, and will have a lot of people cursing him, but really it was ok. I found other ways that were temporary fixes, and it wasn’t like he would have stopped me had I wanted to seek medical help, he was just making his views, and perhaps fears and insecurities, known. I read a lot on the subject of depression and post natal depression, and implemented a lot of self help strategies and attempted with no success to implement a million more.

I got by, and it really wasn’t too bad.

Then life threw one of those bum steers in the 6 months that followed August 2005 ( and yes, I’ve been here on my blog before so I’ll skim over it really quickly). Hubby was fired from his job, unemployed, but lucky enough to have the best part of 6 months in entitlements. He did go through one or two other jobs at the end of that time, but the end result was, despite my incredibly strong objections, we bought a franchise business (I still don’t want it and we’ve had it for 2 years in May…LOL).

Everything declined and declined, things were quite rocky, life wasn’t that great! A few months after the purchase of the business, hubby said he was wrong (not about buying the business – that one is still coming…LOL) , but wrong about the depression, and that something definitely wasn’t right. It was then I seeked help from my GP, probably about 5 years after the first diagnosis.

I received medication, and I did notice the difference, although I’m not sure I was ever completely right in hindsight. I obviously felt reasonably well, because I went on to fall pregnant with Brodie not long after this.

When I stopped taking the pill, so as to fall pregnant with Brodie, I got out of the habit of also taking my anti depressant. I suppose I also thought I was ok, which we all know pregnancy hormones at the beginning of a pregnancy, I probably was! LOL. Later on in the pregnancy when things started to slide a little, I tried to start taking them again (which for all those throwing there hands up in horror at taking that sort of medication whilst I was pregnant, it was ok to be doing so). But the initial sleeplessness and nausea of getting them back into my system, on top of the pregnancy in general, was just more than I was ready to cope with. So I stayed off them.

Having a child is a funny thing. Everytime I have had a child I have been unreal for the next few months – getting everything done, staying on top of things, a neat home, a caring Mum, and loving wife. But I guess everything that goes up must come down.

By the time last Christmas rolled around I knew I was way out of my league again. In fact, I even mentioned to several people that I was going back on the medication, but I put off going to the doctors once again. Over the last couple of months it has just gone further and further downhill.

A couple of weeks ago, I began talking to Andrew a bit more about it again, and found myself saying things like “I feel like I’m half a person” and “I so love being a Mum, but there has to more to it than this”. One morning I was helping Travis get ready for school – and Travis and I have this thing where we often talk about (not in the hearing of other children) how all my children are really special, but he is also really special as he is the one that made me a Mummy. While we were getting ready that morning he mentioned this again and I agreed. He turned to me and said some words I will never forget “But you don’t really like being a Mum, do you?”

Needless to say, I corrected him and told him how much I do love being a Mum, but I also did explain that it is just quite difficult at times, which I believe he understands. But I knew that it was time that I made that trip to the doctors.

So…here I am, accepting of the fact that clinical depression will possibly be something I struggle with for a long time. Why it was so hard for me to go back to the doctor’s I’m not sure – my doctor is a fantastic man, whom I really hold on a pedestal especially where the children are concerned, and after I had spoken to him the first time about the depression, I’d had this immediate sense of relief and improvement just by knowing that help was on it’s way and I now had a “line of communication” established about it with someone in the medical profession. All the same, I found it really difficult to go back to him, and plead for my happy pills back…LOL! He of course replied with “Ab-so-lute-ly” when I asked if I could go back on the Zoloft, and then spent the next 15 minutes rousing on me for not coming to him sooner.

I’ve been back on the tablets 4 days now, and though it will take a while longer for them to kick in completely and rebalance all the chemicals that are supposedly out of whack, I’m starting to notice a couple of little improvements already. And probably due to a placebo affect more than anything – I’m filled with a new enthusiasm and a lot of positivism, and an excitement that while I know having three kids is a considerable amount of the reason that I don’t achieve a lot (not that achieving a relationship with them is not worthwhile or the most important thing anyway), I may just improve enough over the next couple of weeks to become more of the achiever I want to be.

Why did I feel the need to bare all and post all this? Not for pity…not for excuses…I really do feel quite ok and excited about the fact that I am back on the medication and can become a “whole” person again. And I really am cool bananas with the whole depression thing – people undoubtedly struggle with various things over the course of their life, and if my weakness is clinical depression, well I won’t accept it lying down, but I will accept it. But one of the hardest things about depression is that you’re left at the end of it (if it in fact has an end), having to face the fact that you have let a lot of people down, have broken a lot of intentions, have shied away from anything at all social or communicable with other people because it was uncomfortable and you really just didn’t have the energy, have seemed not interested for so long, have seemed not commited for so long, have been unreliable and have not always played your part.

Don’t misunderstand me, I sure can’t pin everything about my life on “clinical depression.” The bottom line is I have always been a procrastinator and am not the most organised of people. But I do believe several things about the depression.

Firstly, it has slowly but surely turned my house into one BIG dump! LOL. Not that I haven’t been trying and having great intentions, I have seriously had no time to scratch my bum and have been working at it from the moment I rise to the moment I go to bed. But it has all been in one big non prioritised, foggy, non focussed, and non productive kind of way. At the end of every day I haven’t stopped – yet – I’ve achieved not a thing!(Well for the most part anyway). Focus and productiveness have been absolute Z-E-R-O, and although I’m “normally” bad, I’m kind of hoping I’m not that bad. Now there are a whole heap of self help measures here, and believe me I had them all going through my mind…I had a plan for the best “stay on top of housework” idea you have ever seen, but the thing I personally find very ironic and difficult about depression, is you almost need a certain amount of “wellness” before you can implement these things. I had ideas galore, but hopefully without sounding like a cop out, had not been “well” enough to make a start.

Secondly, it has resulted in a very fluctuating relationship with hubby, he has probably been doing more than his fair share a lot of the time. I know I’m snappy at him when I’m “down”, I know I take almost everything he says as criticism, I know I run hot and cold with my moods, and I know I should have been biting my lip more than I have.

Thirdly, my care for myself and my health have again been ZERO. Which then becomes cyclic…the less you care for yourself and health and fitness, the further I believe you fall.

Fourthly, as a designer I have S-T-U-N-K. I have been incredibly fortunate enough to have wonderful store owners and an even more fab and understanding creative team. But I have lost count, as I’m sure they have, of the amount of times I had something new coming out next week when in all reality I haven’t done much at all since Brodie was born. Oh, the things I said should be done by the weekend are all sitting here on my hard drive, half completed. If I do manage to pick myself up completely in the next couple of weeks, and finish off all these little bits and put these ideas down, there should be a massive influx at Carole Neale designs. And when I said I thought they would be done by the end of next week, I really did think they would be, and they should have been able to have been. But again, the fogginess…the non-productiveness….the non-focus. I am still a designer, I am still a scrapper…. the interest is still very much there, I have had ideas for both designs and layouts a plenty…but being focussed enough to get them down and out there….well….it hasn’t been happening to say the least. I’m not going to make a heap of promises right now today, except to say I am quietly optimistic and hopeful….

And lastly, and most importantly, my gorgeous kids have lost the Mum they once had. By all means, I have still been here, still fed them, clothed them, fixed their hurts, read to them, helped with homework, cuddled them, protected them and even played with them … but that real genuine non rushed, interested consuming quality time has undoubtedly been lacking with my unsuccessful efforts in staying on top of everything else. Waking up to them during the night, or even in the morning, has been a massive challenge…and when I have woken I have been stiff and sore and tired and grumpy and anything but refreshed. I’ve had headaches more days than I haven’t, and haven’t always (not that anyone is expected to be ALWAYS) been as patient and loving and tolerant and calm as I once was with them. I haven’t been interested in leaving the house particularly (truth be known I’m a homebody anyway, but I’ve been a lot worse than usual) so the kids have missed out on a lot of days out and experiences. I guess it’s a good thing kids are forgiving and love as unconditionally as we do.

More than enough about this…I really didn’t want to blab about this so long, but I did feel the need to say something. It really isn’t meant to sound negative or a plea for pity… while I have been told not to expect major improvements for a week or two yet, I do have a mindset at the moment which is reason in itself is quite liberating. Today is the first day of the rest of my life as they say, and Onwards and Upwards I say!

Now….4 pages on…back to the regular scheduled programme of this blog.

I’d left everyone cold with answers as to how Travis was doing, but I’m pleased to say he is doing considerably better. While I say that, it is something I believe we will have to keep an eye on with him – he definitely is prone to these sort of moods, and to gloominess and sulkiness, and if you are wondering if I wonder if it is some sort of genetically passed down proneness direct from his Mother…than yes, I do at times. Once he was really back into the swing of things with school, and being more challenged, his mood and outbursts definitely improved. There is still a lot of trouble in getting him to spend time on activities that aren’t computer related, without us being a direct part of them.
We implemented a happy book, both him and I, where we jotted things or drew little pictures of things that were positive during the day, or that made us smile. Cooper joined in as well, with Travis’ permission. We did our “happy books” daily for a little while, and it slowly lessened to now when it’s been quite a while since we have drawn anything in them.
Andrew and I have talked a lot the last week or two about an afternoon activity or two for Travis. I still find it hard to come up with something (especially in our regional location) that is just the right “fit” for Travis. Some sort of musical instrument would probably work very well, but right at the moment we wouldn’t have the funds to provide one at home as well. He himself is showing quite a bit of interest in Karate – which I am considering. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the idea, and even though I have tried to explain it, I’m not sure he understands that it IS NOT fighting. But still, if he is showing the interest that has to say something.
Has anyone had any experience with scouts? I have always been quite anti scouts – probably for no good reason at all, but it popped into my head the other day, and I’m thinking it may be one of the best fits I can come up with right now. (I of course wouldn’t be “making” him do it, if he didn’t want to). The younger groups, as far as my knowledge goes, don’t require large physical skills, but will improve on them and give confidence with them. The activities change constantly, which would suit Travis a lot better than playing the same game of soccer week in, week out. And I love the fact that the competitiveness of scouts is more competitive against yourself, rather than against each other. When we first started talking to Trav about an afternoon activity for him, he wanted to be “making things”, “something crafty”… and there isn’t a lot I can find that fits that bill, but scouts, especially the younger groups, have that element included. I also feel scouts may just give him an added sense of belonging, more so than other afternoon activities, that could be beneficial. The community mindedness, the morals, the comraderie, the discipline…. So much of scouts I feel could either be a good fit or largely beneficial for Travis’ character.
I am at the moment delving into two books – in a non-focussed, best of intentions kind of way (see long whine above). They are Bringing up your Talented Child by Geoff Lewis and More Secrets of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph. I can’t say I have really read enough to warrant a comment as yet, but I will endeavour to get back to commenting on these books.
Travis is really doing quite well considering he has a lot to deal with at the moment for a 6 year old. He is facing a 2nd lot of surgery to correct his eye squint on the 2nd Wednesday of the school holidays, and this time they will be operating on both eyes, not just one. I won’t go into too much details right now, as it’s getting kind of late, but maybe, just maybe I might post more about this in a day or so.
Also, we have just had a hearing test completed for Travis recently, which was one of those very bad Mum moments where I was expecting an answer that would allow me to say “There’s nothing wrong, the doctor said, so make an effort to listen a little better.” The answer I in fact received was that his hearing is slightly below average in his left ear and considerably below average in his right ear. Now this isn’t anywhere near as bad as it could be…they aren’t a permanent “deaf-ness” kind of hearing loss, but more a temporary trouble-coping-with-fluid-behind-the-drum and poorly-functioning-eustacean(sp?)-tube kind of hearing loss that absolute worse case scenario is further surgery for grommets. I’m yet to go follow up with the GP on his hearing report as it was only just recently carried out, so I’m sure you’ll hear a lot more on this as it progresses. Whilst he does ok, and gets by, he is probably using a lot of visual clues in class and such and even at home, and it is undoubtedly one more cause of frustration for someone so young.

Brodie is doing well, or at least if you’d asked me last week I would have said that. This week she broke our 6 year long run of having children and never having had to use the emergency department of the hospital. I took her in (which was a very scary drive by myself! LOL) at 5 on Tuesday morning, suffering from Croup, after a night of listening to her wheeze and struggle to get each breath in. That sounds horrible that I waited that long, but I knew she was getting enough oxygen (and that was confirmed when we got to hospital) and it was sooooo cold outside that night I was worried that taking her out to get help straight away was more of an evil than waiting until daylight and a little bit of warmth. Anyway, come 5am, I had listened to her struggle as long as I personally could, either way, and it wasn’t improving. She spent only 3 hours at hospital (which is marvellous for our local emergency!), hates nebuliser’s with a vengeance, had a dose of steroids with 2 more doses to come, and came home before the boys went to school already breathing a lot easier. There was a lot of sleep deprivation on both hers and my account over the next few days. She is still quite sick at the moment, just with a residual cold, but most of the croupiness has gone. Cooper, on the other hand, now sounds croup-y, but at this stage is coping quite ok with it, and not having the same breathing trouble Brodie was, so we’re just watching it closely over the next day or so.

I could and should probably update on so many other things, but it will all have to wait till another day. If anyone has read this far, thank you so much for bearing with yet another long painful drawn out post. I’m sure I’ll get better at this blogging thing one day, and learn to be a little more selective about it’s inclusions! LOL

Rolls

Rolls on your thighs are the new must-have-accesory! Haven't you heard?

A gorgeous photo of little Holli, daughter of Annette inspired me to post this pic I took of Brodie in her first skirt.

Hoping to get back here to post tonight - but yet to see whether it happens or not :)

continued....

This whole thing with Travis is so utterly consuming to most things I'm doing and almost everything I'm thinking at the moment, that it's probably all you will be hearing about for a while. I'm not sure when it got so bad, or why it just hit me the other night, when in hindsight, it's been coming on for a while.

Yesterday was marginally better. But I'm not deluding myself that the fact that it was the infamous "nintendo day" (kids are allowed to play Nintendo on Sundays) helped a lot.

We tempted them both away from it for a while in the afternoon for a family trip to the local park. This park inparticular I had mentioned to hubby a while back would be a great place to help Travis with his bike riding, seeing as it is something he still can't successfully do in our backyard (which granted doesn't lend itself well to bike riding for young'ns.) The park has a long curvy path going diagonally through it, that is smooth and only slightly downhill on one way, and obviously therefore is a slight gradual uphill travelling the other way. So we threw Travis bike in the back of the suby and headed off.

Travis did really really well with his bike riding and the hill was actually a lot longer and harder than I originally gave it credit for for someone with not much leg strength. But he still persisted and he did great. He'd leave it and come and have a climb and a slide, and then be back off to the bike again with no pressure from us. He worked really hard, and he enjoyed it.

I discovered last night that I had several private messages over at pickleberrypop that I had been unaware of, regarding the whole situation. Aparently, I was banking on the fact that my user settings were set to notify by email of private messages and they weren't. So so many people have offered words of advice and comfort, and shared similar things that they have been through with their children and how they have or are overcoming it. It really is such a comfort. Everyone has said something worthwhile, and something I feel I can put in place to possibly help me out here. I truly feel blessed to be part of such a wonderful forum and group of ladies, and some of the very personal and moving experiences they have shared with me, well, I really feel honoured, humbled and appreciative.

One private message I received in particular I read thinking to myself - YES - that's exactly what I mean. The words "created the habit of being unhappy" and "unbearable, no self esteem, no self motivation, was either very angry or very sad" are EXACTLY the situation. The private message shared with me how this family have been working to overcome it, and I'm very much thinking of going down the same track.

One thing I will be doing is starting a "happy book" with Travis, which I had actually conceived the idea before I received the above mentioned private message. I had this idea, to help him see that good things to happen, and the positive side of things, that him and I together (so that it doesn't feel like something I am picking on him about, and in honesty, it would probably be a beneficial practice for me too) draw pictures or write simple sentences about the good things that have happened to us on that particular day. I don't want it to become something he "HAS" to do everyday, but if we could do it together most days, that would be great. The other thing I am doing is currently pouring over this wonderful site I have found.

I mentioned it to him this morning, in a very casual "I'm thinking about starting to do a happy book....hey...I know, why don't you do one with me" kind of way. After discussing what a happy book would be, he seemed quite keen on the idea. I threw some ideas in about what could have gone in it for yesterday....nintendo day, the mario kart where you came first, the trip to the park... and he addded "oh, and riding my bike". So I was glad that that was a winner! LOL

He seeemed quite ok and relatively cheery this morning, until it was time to go to school. Then he didn't want to go to school, he didn't like school.

Mum: Really, you've always loved school, why have you decided you don't like school?

Travis: Because I don't like the work.

Mum: Is that because it's too easy?

Travis: No, it's too hard.

Mum: Really, Are you finding it hard? I didn't think you found the school work hard?

Travis: It's just the colouring in. (I know for a fact Travis hates colouring in, always has)

Mum: Is the colouring in hard though, or just boring and takes a long time.

Travis: Just boring and takes a long time.

Mum: But there is so much else that happens at school, colouring in is only such a small part of it. What about seeing your friends, computer time, making the orange juice you're going to make with Mrs. Carroll today? That's all good stuff isn't it?

Travis: (Shrug)

Mum: Is there something else other than the colouring in which is making you not like school?

Travis: No, just the colouring in.

Mum: Nothing else is happening? If there was something else that was happening that made you not like going to school, you know it's ok tell me and I'd want you to tell me, and we could possibly do something about it.

Travis: No nothing else is happening, I just don't like the colouring in.

I tried to check again, in a couple of other subtle ways that nothing else is going on. I don't think there is. It's definately nothing I can get him to admit to me if there is. Again, I feel he has just created a "habit of being unhappy" about things. Being glum. Seeing the negative. Finding things hard and having no enthusiasm or motivation.

The conversation did continue and I said "But you have always loved school, mate." He looked at me and said "Is that what you think Mum? Because I haven't."

Now I know I'm supposed to be listening to the child, and not just believing what I have thought to be the case, but I know that isn't true! Travis has loved school, and have had a thirst for learning since the day he was born. It's just his nature. So where does that leave me now???

Anyway, we finished up with a "Well, we can do something fun when you come home from school, ok?"

I'm strongly thinking about involving the school counsellor. Part of me would prefer not to, as I know hubby is objecting to the idea (although I was surprised he was very "for" my happy book idea) . He tends to be a typical male about any counselling/psychology type ideas and involvement, but we'll see. If I feel Travis needs it and isn't making an improvement with anything I can do, then I'll be able to sway Andrew, and even if I can't, then I would be doing it for Trav's good anyway.

Ok, that's enough thinking out loud for now. I'll leave with a couple of pics from the park. I'm abl to get some really nice shots of Brodie now she is sitting so well. I just love the last one in particular. I love the shot of Cooper as well. Unlike Travis, Cooper normally just pretends to be snarly. It really is a "cooper-personality" shot.

The search for a happy Travis continues

So I received an email from a web friend with some very valid points and questions regarding Travis! Questions like how is his relationship with the other two kids and has the situation with Travis been since Brodie's been with us. I thought about them and no, I don't think it's directly related to Brodie's existence, sure it may be a little worse, but Travis has been prone to this long before then, and I feel now, that it's been coming on since before then too. His relationship with the others I'd describe as normal - absolutely doting and caring and smitten with Brodie, and Cooper, well, I think all brothers that are close in age and share a room would be very similar. Either fighting like cats or dogs or getting along like a house on fire and giggling together and helping each other - more often than not, the latter.
The question that hit home hard was does he get much one on one time? And then followed up with does he play much with friends after school?
No, he doesn't get a lot. And I kind of tied those questions together, because yes he does play a little with friends after school (not a lot, granted, but a little), but more importantly when he does, at least when he has the friend here, Cooper plays with them as well. So even that isn't one on one time with his own friend, nevermind his parents. So many of the friends he sees at school and plays with afterwards are family friends, that when they do come over, Cooper is use to playing with them as well, so helps himself to joining in. In Cooper's defence (or mine???), Travis doesn't seem to object to this at all.
I'm not saying it's necessarily the problem or necessarily the solution, but I'm sure it would go a long way. It sounds stupid, but I guess somewhere along the line I'd forgotten about one on one time. Cooper had started growing up, and is quite intelligent himself, so he became capable of playing the games we play with Travis, albeit with help from us. There came a point where I insisted that Travis and Dad started letting Cooper go on trips down to the shops with them, I guess because he was growing up and becoming more aware he was missing out, and the whole worry about middle child syndrome and such.
But then it's tough being the eldest too. Especially when it's the eldest to a volatile Cooper who is triggered into rages by little things. Travis is often asked to help Cooper with tasks or to "just let it go" because Cooper is only 3. He does this so beautifully and gently and happily, to the point that when Travis is given that bit of responsibility or ability to help he is in his utmost prime. But then on the other hand, because of Cooper's volatile-ness, we stop Travis from "being the parent". He is not allowed to tell Cooper what to do or point out what he may have forgotten to do or problems with his behaviour, because Cooper doesn't take it well coming from Travis. Now I know that helping out (what he is allowed to do) and coming down on a smaller sibling for poor behaviour for example (what he is not allowed to do) are very different things in one aspect, but it could be as confusing as all buggery to a 6 year old. And go along way to a child having difficulty finding a place or knowing where he fits, which was another valid point in the email I received.
The fact that he has gone to school, 5 days a week, for a year now, would have had massive impacts on one on one time too. And now that Cooper only sleeps a couple of times a week, we have encouraged Travis (not that it usually works, due to Travis' need for adult company or play all the time) to do his own quiet activity by himself during that time to give everyone a break, instead of cashing in on the time with Travis.
So I did, until all hours last night, what any concerned parent living in this century would do, and googled "one on one time". LOL! Then I *really* started reading stuff that I could relate too or that hit home hard.
Like this....
One evening as I tucked my 4-year-old daughter into bed, she said wistfully, "Mommy, I didn't have any time with you today."
Huh? Astonished, I replied, "But we went to the library and the supermarket and had dinner together."
"But we didn't have any fun," she countered.
With a guilty gulp, I realized what she meant. I hadn't really focused on her--or her brothers--for weeks. Sure, I was ferrying the kids to preschool and playgroup, amusing them with trips to the mall, and reading the requisite books before bed. But I hadn't spent much time playing the games they wanted to play, relaxing the way they like to relax, talking about topics they wanted to discuss. With work deadlines looming and our house on the market, I scarcely had time to shower!
"Many parents are so overscheduled that they lose track of where their child fits into their lives," notes Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., a child psychiatrist at George Washington University Medical School in Washington, DC. What's more, parents try so hard to make the most of what little time they have with their kid that they often overcompensate with "enrichment" activities.
But there's a big difference between chatting with your child in order to build her vocabulary and striking up a conversation just because you like her company. "Kids know when they're being 'worked on,'" says Stanley Turecki, M.D., a child psychiatrist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York and author of Normal Children Have Problems, Too. "Some of that is worthwhile, of course. But if it characterizes your every interaction, something vital is missing from your relationship."
[taken from this page]
and
I am still trying to figure out how to manage days that are no longer mine with deadlines that definitely are!
[taken from this page]

But the following video was probably my favourite. Except for the title (To a Child Love is spelled T-I-M-E) it probably isn't as relevant to me as some of the stuff I stumbled across in so much that I have never seen spending the time with the kids as "wasting time", but it is incredibly incredibly moving all the same, and I would urge anyone who is a parent to watch it.

http://www.tacmovie.com/

So where does one go from here?
Something obviously had/has to change, for the benefit of everyone but especially Travis, but at the same time, I do have 2 other children, one who is a baby, commitments of my own, business to run and a house to keep clean-ish. I didn't want to do a "one extreme to the other" kind of thing, or over do it.
This morning when it was time to get kids changed before breakfast, I called Travis into his room. "Firstly, give me a cuddle." We cuddled and tickled and laughed for 10 minutes or so before I said we had to get changed. Now, let me say, that I cuddle and tickle and laugh with my kids a lot, but not necessarily in a one on one kind of way. I mentioned to him that I'd snuck in there for a cuddle while the other two were in the loungeroom. It wasn't much, not much at all, and Travis put on quite a performance when I said it was time for him to get changed now, but it was a first step at making the conscious effort to change things.
After breakfast, he asked to use the computer, which normally would not be something we do in the morning, nor something I want him starting on so early in the day. But I thought about a compromise. He often watches me doing artrage and wants to do it, perhaps I could steer him in that direction, which he was thrilled with the idea. He could even have a go using my tablet, rather than the mouse. And that could double as a "thing for us/thing in common" kind of activity too. He has a lot of knowledge of artrage from school, but normally hasn't been using it at home (as he was asking before I was aware he was familiar with the program), so I suggested that if he wanted to use the computer then he could show me how clever he is at artrage. He was happy with that. I sat down with him for a while, and showed him how to use the tablet, and how I "do the thing with the photo's" and watched him do it for some time before I had to go feed Brodie and give her a sleep, and do washing, and unload dishwasher...and so on and so on. After a while, he wanted to just play games, and we, at least I thought together, decided on that he could have half an hour of his choice on the computer now. I warned him when his half an hour was almost up, but it didn't stop the incredible sulking and "life's unfair" outburst when the time was over
I hadn't fully decided whether I was going to, or whether I should be, discussing any of this new direction with him, but when I went into him later, it just kind of happened. We talked about how I'm worried about him, and how I want him to be happy. How the most important thing to me is being a Mummy, and I love all my kids the same, but there will always be a little special something about him and I because he was the one that first made me a Mummy. We had more cuddles. We talked about the various things I absolutely must do, and the reasons why they NEED to be done even though I'd probably rather be with him. And then I talked about how I wanted to, and would be, spending more time with him, not just the time playing with all of us that we normally do, but more time with just him and I, and that maybe we could play a game together this afternoon when Cooper was asleep. And I also said that I would be spending time like that with Cooper and Brodie as well.
Well, Travis being the clever little one he is, proceeded to use it against me all morning. Or at least that's how it seemed. If I was doing the washing, one of the things we discussed why it NEEDED to be done, it was "why aren't you spending time with me?" I reminded him that these things needed to be done, he needed clean school uniforms for Monday and that I couldn't leave it because it was raining and was going to take a lot of work to get them dry. When I was making lunch, it was the same. I reminded him that talked about how we need him to have time as well where he is able to play a little by himself, so that we can get these things done. You know, it even occurred to me to wonder how much he is playing on all of this because it is helping him get his own way. Is the utter misery possibly a little bit fake at times when it suits him?
When the younger kids were in bed this afternoon, we played Mouse Trap, his choice, as promised. 2 games, 2 hours, I lost them both...LOL! We had fun, and I was happy to be playing with him. It was mentioned, but no big thing was made of that fact that "I was spending time with him" or "see, I'm doing something with you now" - I didn't want it to be me earning brownie points kind of thing, just me playing a game with Travis because I wanted to be. When Cooper woke up just before we finished the second game, I secretly cringed at the fact that his whole nap was now gone without me achieving any of the millions of things on my to do list. Cooper watched the end of our game, and then wanted me to play again with him. I said I couldn't play anymore just now, but later on, I would be able to do something just with him.
Travis returned only a minute or so later, "I know Mum, later on, how about you do something with Cooper and I and not just Cooper."
"Travis, I need to spend just a little bit of time with just Cooper and I too."
"Fine then!!!" And he storms outside. He's sitting in my new hammock chair, saying deliberately loud enough for me to hear him, "if she isn't going to care about me, then I won't care about her either." I ignored it, but did find myself wondering again, how much of this he is playing on deliberately.

Good thing I knew that if this was going to be the solution, that it was going to be something that gradually improved over a month or two once quality one on one time was re-introduced, and not an instant fix. We'll just keep plodding on :)

Andrew just did lots of rolling eyes throughout the whole day at Travis' playing on it and using it against me. Whilst he is in agreeance with me that no, the children aren't getting a lot of one on one time, he is also very strong on, and he is 100% right, that the kids are absolutely loaded with love, attention, affection, and play and that those "qualities" are always there, just more as a family group. He is worried, and I probably am too in all honesty, that I'm going to wind up more pressured, more overwhelmed and more tired, when he believes this could be just Travis' nature, or just Travis being clever enough to play on it, and it won't make much difference. In my eyes, regardless of whether or not it is the problem or the solution, I have always known that one on one time is important, and their entitlement, and it has been missing, and it does need to be re-introduced.

And now that that is all recorded and off my chest - I'm signing off. It's 11:30pm, the dishwasher still needs emptying, I have a baby that I'm almost certain will have her second tooth come the morning and has so far woken at least every hour, if not more, and the boys will be awake at 6, if I'm lucky! :)

Thanks all for comments, again, and feel free to keep adding them if anyone has any insight!

Every day is a winding road... :)

Thanks all for your replies - I know, there doesn't look like many comments there, but several people have been kind enough to email me or share some thoughts elsewhere. I'm so open to anything, I don't want to be naive enough to not see what an outsider sees, iykwim. I have felt somewhat less desperate today than I did last night, and Travis was less depressive too, though the issue is still very much there. I'm mulling a lot of things over, and brainstorming with hubby too, and I hope to be coming up with some sort of a plan as to which way to go. I'll post more on it in a few days, but thankyou everyone, and please feel free to still go ahead and offer input! Believe me, it's still required.

Both boys were at school today, and Andrew gave himself a day off, so we had some fun doing some crazy things with Brodie like letting her ride Cooper's push along trike

And her first go at the computer. I opened up a word document and let her have a bash at the keyboard, which she loved! Must take after her Mum. I believe it went (in fact, I know it did because I printed it.....LOL)

jjgasbrodieaZa3zxkA:A; zzxfrsdwshj ZA ;MMM
m .ahm nnntg

(Ok, so Andrew typed the brodie a few letters in, but she did all the rest. Notice the clever use of caps lock too!)

She is sitting well enough now for photo's, though not well enough to be left, and well enough to have made a new friend with her christmas present from us

And for the finale.... she *FINALLY* rolled from her tummy to her back! Yay...you clever baby girl, you, I knew you could do it! Though I'm sure the house is not ready for it, hopefully it will do wonders for her entertainability (Yes! That is a word!)
Though Cooper is toilet trained, he goes through big periods of not being bothered, so he has developed this needing a "treat" when he comes home from preschool and has kept his pants dry, which I must say he is doing super well at the moment. Well, due to a temporary rather large cash flow problem, the house isn't exactly full of special treats at the moment, so this afternoon Travis, Cooper and I had to make our treats. And it was a fairly fun exercise that I think we all (yes, even Travis) enjoyed - and gave some fairly cute scrapping pics too!

Lastly, Travis and I (and at times Cooper and hubby) spent considerable time this afternoon looking through baby pics. That was a nice activity as well, and one Travis does enjoy, absorbing the old house he doesn't remember, and guessing who babies were and such.... Sometimes, with my three kiddo's guessing which one it was isn't always easy. When Cooper was born we jokingly told Mum not to bother coming to the hospital, that it looked just like the first one. Of course there are differences to some degree, but this is the three of them, each at give or take 6 months of age.

I'm going to be uploading and sharing a smallish freebie in the next day or so, so make sure you check back! :)

Exactly my point with Travis!

The situation with Travis feels like it is escalating almost daily. I cannot say how frustrated I feel with it all at the moment. The happenings of this morning highlight exactly my point that I touched on in my last post.

Travis, upon my getting out of bed, asked if I could put new batteries in his remote control WRX (which was a gift from us a couple of years ago). Despite the fact that it was a school day for BOTH boys this morning, which is always a major rush, if Travis shows interest in something that is non computerised, typical of his age group, and as an added bonus, a single player game, I do my best to encourage it. He very very seldom wants to do anything like this, so I gladly changed the batteries.

Unfortunately, the car had been sitting there for so long without being touched, it had battery acid all through it, and for some reason (which wound up actually having nothing to do with the leaking batteries) wouldn't work. I told him we would have to leave it for now, but Dad could take a look at it this afternoon and see if it was fixable.

That prompted a minor whinge about it being unfair, but the morning continued and we rushed around and got changed and had breakfast and such.

After breakfast, when I was struggling to now get Brodie changed and fed on time to get boys to school, Travis then asked if he could do "Its your turn", which is a website (a good one too, I might add... www.itsyourturn.com ) where he plays boatzee (like yahtzee) and battleboats (like battleships) against his Aunt and gets email notification when it's his turn to move.

Mum: Yep. Just do your turn and come out of the office though. Comptuer's on.
Travis (a few minutes later and coming from the office) : WHAT??? I don't have any turns to do.
Mum: Have you clicked on game status?

I headed to the office to help him out. Sure enough, his Aunt, my sister, hadn't had a chance to do her moves, so therefore it wasn't Travis' turn to move.

Mum: Sorry kiddo, Auntie Net must not have had a chance to do her moves last night. We'll try again when you come home from school.

Prompted mini meltdown and ultra whinge about things not being fair #2.

Now out of the office...and back trying to feed Brodie

Mum: Why don't you go pop your shoes on now to save the last minute rush with that?

Travis: I want to drive my remote control. What's the point of even having the car if I can't drive it? (Yes, they were his exact words...I get a lot of "What's the point.....")

Mum: I'm sorry sweet, there's nothing I can do about it now , but Dad has said he will see if it's fixable when he gets home this afternoon.

Travis: But what if it never ever works and I can never drive it. (melodramatic, seeing the negative....)

Mum: Well then if you still really want one, you could use some of your birthday and christmas money and choose your own one.

Heading off to get his shoes

Travis: I want to go down the backyard but I'm not going to be allowed cause it's too close too school.

Mum: That's right. You need to think of that to do this afternoon, it is to close to school now, but it's a good thing to do after school. (again.... Travis doesn't like outdoors too much, isn't very good with physical activity, so we go out of our way to encourage it where we can)

Travis: Oooohhh..I'm never... (ultra whingey voice, hands over face all melodramatic like, beginning to cry...didn't catch all of what he said)

Mum: Travis, don't start whingeing please.

Travis: FINE!!!!! (stomps off, exit stage left!)




And that was all before 8 this morning, after he had had a good nights sleep! This is permanently how it is with Travis at the moment. I am at breaking point, desperate, don't know what to do and where to turn with him or how to help him.
It's the ultimate feeling of failure to sit back and realise your 6 year old child is not happy, but... he is not happy.

To him, life is always unfair, always against him. He doesn't like any of his toys (his words!). All he likes is Nintendo and computer (again, his words!). I've described Travis for a long time now (not to his face) as a "loiterer" - he doesn't play, he doesn't do anything, (unless he is allowed to use computer or Nintendo at that time) he just kind of "loiters", restlessly picking up one thing after another. Asking for something to be got down for him to play with, or set up for him, for him to play with it for a maximum of 5 minutes (no exaggeration!)

Even when he does play Nintendo or computer, there is repeated "what's the point in playing if I'm not going to win" or "that wasn't fair", and quite honestly, he is a sore loser, which despite trying, I can't seem to change.

He cannot self amuse. He does like most of his two player, advanced games, like scrabble junior or monopoly junior or crazy eights, but I can't play hours upon hours of those games with him every day. To colour in, which he doesn't like to do (his words again), he needs someone to come look at every stroke he draws, rather than complete a bit and then show someone. When he does sit down to do a puzzle, he needs someone to look how he is going every few pieces. I know that sounds like an attention getting or low self esteem (which he quite possibly does have) situation, but we DO lump praise, encouragement, compliments and affection on our children, probably especially Travis.

Every time lately we have visited somewhere, he has been overcome with major sulkiness and "life-isn't-fair-attitude" over something. At Alison's birthday dinner, which he was excited about and looking forward too, and was held at a chinese restaurant so some sort of decency of behaviour was required from the kids, it was because "what was the point of the party if he just had to sit at the table" (the table had about 10 other kids at it) "I don't know most of the kids so there is nothing to do". At my Mum's the other day, it was because his cousins didn't want to play noughts and crosses with him - they are more typical of there age and wouldn't want to sit still for that long so I explained to him that it wasn't Travis they were rejecting, but the particular game he was suggesting. I could come up with dozens more examples.

So many people have suggested too me that it's because of his intelligence. Travis is incredibly, incredibly, intelligent - but text book intelligent, not street smart type intelligent. Last year in Kindergarten, they didn't have home readers in the school appropriate for him, and would send him to the library to choose his own. He went to one of the year 2 classes for his reading, english and maths. He plays chess, somewhat with help, but he can do it. He does crosswords (he has a go at mine if I let him!) and sudoku. But at the risk of sounding like Travis, what is the point of the intelligence if it causes such discontentment with life in general?

And it's very difficult because, yes, he was going to year 2 for those subject, but physically, co-ordination-ally, and all activities requiring gross or fine motor skills, he was still very much Kindergarten, if not less.

I really don't know what else I can do for the kid. Do I just let him play computer and nintendo whenever he likes - and subdue the monster inside my head that says it's not healthy. At the moment, he has a couple of afternoons a week where he can use the computer for a large period of time, and Sundays and school holidays we are allowed to use the nintendo.

I tried to have a big discussion this afternoon with him, which was prompted by him not eating his food at lunch, and the fact that whatever I put in his lunch box there is a reason as to why he couldn't eat it. It's too hard too open. I don't like fruit. It's a bit too messy to eat at school. Everything he says just has such a discontented undertone. I began to try to explain my frustrations to him, and that I don't know what I can do to make him happy, if there is nothing he likes to eat (we were trying to find healthy options that weren't I don't like...or too messy....or too hard...or too crunchy) and nothing he likes to do.

The whole conversation was going nowhere fast.
I explained that we needed to find healthy options, particulary seeing as he didn't do a lot of exercise. The only exercise he wants to do is my treadmill, and I won't let him use it. (He is very well informed, prior to today, on healthy foods and exercise and such, his attitude to it all is just making him look like he isn't). I explained that exercise didn't have to be on equipment - it could be playing chase, swinging, trampolining, kicking balls, riding. He then suggested he only likes to do that if we will take him to parks (which we do semi regularly, but he also have slides, 2 storey cubby houses, sandpits, swings, trampolines, a couple of options with bikes, soccer, tennis, cricket, skateboards, totem tennis, frisbee, pogo sticks and so many other options in his BIG backyard.)He wouldn't look in the toyroom for things to do because that would mean pulling things out and then he would have lots of packing away to do - I tried to explain that I was about to make the family dinner, but that was going to make lots of mess that I had to clean up, so should I just not do it? I tried to explain to him the psychology of "happiness being a choice" but the conversation finished when he said "Well, the only thing I want to do is play the computer, so can I?" to which I still said no.

If anyone has any words of wisdom or experiences, please share. I'm going out of my mind. This is consuming my thoughts. I've walked around half the night either crying or feeling like it, with a massive cracker of a head ache. Travis is the most beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, funny, caring and affectionate child. He had always been really well behaved, he was/is the child that as a toddler, you know he wouldn't leave the side of the car as you were putting groceries away and you knew you didn't have to shut toilet doors or lock cupboards or ovens because you told him not to touch and he didn't and he was never a problem at shopping and has still never had a typical tantrum... but seeing him like this... and the frustration it's causing to the whole family is intense. I really have no idea which way to turn. Do I just give him free range of computerised games? Do I put everyones wants and needs on hold to be free to play the two player games ALL of the time, for the sake of reducing his misery? This has been coming on to this point for a couple of years now, but I'm thinking it's really hit a maximum. HELP! I cannot cope with knowing that my child, at the age of only 6, is so discontented and miserable and pessimistic with life!




Not much else happening today, probably thankfully. Headed on down to sit for half an hour in the little take a ticket line thing they have going at the RTA to renew my licence. Continued with my "I'm creating a habit" trend I've got going on a the moment of unpacking the dishwasher at night to avoid the chaos in the morning and making beds in the morning so at least they look nice (up until a few days ago, I almost never made beds! LOL). At least I'm feeling good about that :)

Thanks again for baring with me and my rambling!

One BIG catch up post :)

Oh my goodness…how behind have I got? And me being me, I just have to fill you in on everything! Before I go any further though, the plan from here on in, is to avoid 2 hour posts every month and go for a 5 minute-r every day or so.

The end of November, which was about the last time I was here, had us caught up with so many things. Hubby had a minor operation, which went very well but had him out of action for a week or so. School was coming to a halt so there were so many assemblies and discos and performances to prepare for and attend. Travis turned 6 on the 12th December, which seemed to tie up the whole week with either visitors, small parties which were really just a few friends coming over to play, preparations and cakes to make. The cake, his choice, I think probably for all the wrong reasons and to impress his friends, actually came out fairly well, if I do say so myself, so long as one doesn’t look too closely!

I was very insistent that Travis wasn’t having a party this year, if for no other to reason than to prove my point that unfortunately, he wasn’t going to be able to have a party *EVERY* year. We settled on just having a few friends over to play for the afternoon, after school. He, of course, still got ridiculously spoilt, in a good way, by all, and once we had exchanged the “deal or no deal” electronic game Brodie had given him for one that actually worked, all was good! We gave him an AFX slot car set and Cooper gave him a huge bucket of lego. The day went very well, aside from one of his friends locking himself in our toilet and being able to unlock it again, to the point Andrew and my brother pulled the door apart to rescue this poor child, who thankfully, remained unscarred and I don’t believe even reported the incident to his parents, which not that it was my fault, but I was kind of grateful for. For the first time, and all scrappers can freely throw stones at me here, I forgot to take a birthday photograph! Yes, I have cake cutting ones and such, but I have always taken a really nice “frameable-type-quality-with-a-nice-backdrop” photo of my children on their birthdays, but between many things, mainly this being the first birthday one of my children have been to school all day for, it skipped my mind until a good while after!

Around this time, Cooper was going through a horrible phase with nightmares. There were several nights we were awake with him from 2-5 in the morning, with him refusing to go to sleep because the bad dreams come. I would go into him when he woke crying and he would be screaming at me to tell him “where is the middle of the bed” and “but where is the coloured bit” and to “just carry me to the middle of the bed”. No amount of telling him he was in the middle of the bed helped, and his brightly coloured wiggles quilt was far out of the way as it is summer anyway. This horrible recurring dream about the coloured part of his bed, and the fact that bad things happened when he was on it, like his younger cousin Nicholas throwing vegemite at him, just would not go away. Even now, though we are mostly over it, I had another round with it only the other night as he was going to sleep, but he was soothed with a lamp that was left on until they were asleep. One night, I wound up sleeping in Trav’s bed, and sent Travis into mine, just to be with Cooper, which helped a lot, but no one got much sleep in the other person’s bed. If you know me, children sleeping in my bed, or myself lying in theirs with them, or switching bed’s for the night, is just so not the done thing around here, but I was desperate that night, aside from anything, Travis was needing to go to school the next day. Christmas eve we had set a rule that they were allowed up earlier the next morning than usual and we all decided 5:30 was reasonable. Yeah, well that didn’t work, because Cooper refused to sleep from 2am onwards. You can imagine the state my children were in by the time we finished Christmas celebrations that night! Uuuugh!

There were Christmas photo’s to take

And a new Christmas stocking to make for the new member of our family – the downside of continually adding more children to this family!

And Christmas cards to make... (Card is a premade card by Shabby Princess)
We put up our brand new Christmas tree – we had disposed of our old one at the end of last Christmas and I had splurged this time on a good quality one that looked the part, from MyerDirect, rather than a so-so one that didn’t look that great and was just going to fall apart. So one Friday lunch time, I start setting this thing up – you know, one of those artificial trees that need you to bend and contort all the wire branches into the places where they look right. I was so excited to have, for I think the first time in my life, what I considered a *really* nice Christmas tree, even if it was artificial, and then I poked myself in the eye with it whilst I was arranging the branches at the bottom! Andrew had just gone out for a bit at the time, and it seemed the tree had left some remnant in my eye as I couldn’t hold it opened at all. Not to mention it was quite painful. So I washed it…..and washed it….and washed it. Mum called in at that time and couldn’t see anything in it, but I knew there was….you know when you involuntarily can’t hold your eye open if an eyelash or something has made it’s way in it. And it was watering, constantly, gushing tears, trying to wash something out. So I folded up some tissues and taped my eye closed for a while to just let it do it’s own thing and wash the eye it’s own way. No good, didn’t work. Andrew came home and couldn’t see anything either. I had a sleep for a few hours because it didn’t hurt that way, and that was the ideal way for it to clean itself. When I woke up a few hours later, it still hadn’t cleaned itself. It was late on a Friday afternoon which meant medical help was going to be limited over the weekend, and Andrew was insistent that I couldn’t go on like that. Taking me to emergency, his suggestion, seemed such a dramatisation, and just too difficult with three kids in tow when we all know how long you can wait in emergency for! I conceded when he suggested he at least call them. He started the phonecall with… “just an enquiry…this is going to sound really silly but my wife has poked herself in the eye with the Christmas tree…” Well, I’m relieved to say, and for my own dignity, that they ensured him they get dozens of phonecalls like this every Christmas and that it really wasn’t that silly after all.
Anyway, so as to not make an already too long story even longer, it turned out I had scratched the surface of my eyeball. How come it doesn’t hurt like that when you scratch your arm? LOL – don’t ever underestimate it, the pain was intense. I wound up having to go to the after hours medical centre (hospital has said I could go there, but the wait would be shorter if I went to the centre) and get two lots of eye drops.
I sat in the waiting room, blinking and squinting and grimacing and dabbing at my eye with a tissue as inconspicuously (sp?) as I could, still unable to hold my eye open. Then like magic I went in to the doctor’s room while the rest waited outside – and came out with my eye open! Doctor ensured me, and it was the case, that 36-48 hours would see it become bearable, until then I lived on antibiotic eye drops and anaesthetic eye drops (the latter every hour or two!) just to be able to open my eye! And from now on, I decorate chrismtas trees with my sunglasses on! J
Around this same time, I took Cooper to the doctor for a rash (which very quickly became great big pus filled blisters) that appeared on his hands and feet, suspecting hand, foot and mouth – as you would. Apparently for it to be hand, foot and mouth, it does in actual fact have to be all three – so it wasn’t that. Other than now knowing Cooper’s system has decided to hit us with massive cases of dermatitis – we still really have no cause, but my heart went out to the child over and over and over. Aside from having 2 weeks off school while everyone tried to work out what it was, the poor child felt like a leper – not to mention was incredibly itchy. When the rash subsided, we thought that was the worst over, but then his hands and feet began to peel. Not just sunburn type peel, but really thick large chunks that must have been dozens and dozens of layers of skin – in great big 1” square chunks. It took probably a month to really get it under control for him, and all the time holding his hands, they felt like he was 80, not 3! To this day, if we miss a day of sorbolene (at least now it’s only once a day, at first it was about 4 times a day), his hands and feet begin to lightly peel. I guess dermatitis has just set in for the poor little mite until his system decides to outgrow it. I have had countless numbers of people tell me they have never seen dermatitis like it – at one stage, every time I had to do anything with his hands or feet, Cooper would cry and scream and yell things like “I don’t want my hands to be scary anymore”.
Christmas day was nice (if you forget about the fact that it started at 2 in the morning with Cooper’s nightmares!). The boys woke to find AWESOME presents from Santa – a fisher price smart cycle for Cooper, a spiderman sapien for Travis, and an awesome little contraption for Brodie which is kind of a walker that doesn’t actually walk, with activities and interesting things all the way around it, in which she can spin and bounce, and later, convert to a figure 8 car track by putting the base and the top side by side

The kids scored from us a board game pack for Travis (mouse trap, junior scrabble, junior monopoly and smart mouth), and a programmable lightning McQueen car for Cooper, and a roll-a-rounds dinosaur for Brodie.
Andrew’s family came in for a brunch-come-lunch kind of a thing, and they all got spoilt a little more. After insisting on a small nap for Cooper while I whipped up a pavlova and coleslaw, we headed out to my Mum’s for our bbq Christmas dinner, where, you guess it, the kids were spoilt again. We had to rethink outfits at the last minute, at least for Brodie. I was so in love with the “Christmas Day Outfit” I had bought her, but alas – far too cold! And would you believe after two boys, and her being the first granddaughter for Mum after 8 grandsons, the outfit I had bought was blue!
Andrew was pleasantly surprised with my super big splurge on him – a pre-fab layout for his model trains that cost more than I like to think about. And I was suitably spoilt too – an icecream maker, George Foreman grill, first three seasons of “everybody love’s Raymond” on DVD, tupperware’s electronic kitchen scales, and a hammock chair that the kids just love (well ok, so do I, I chose it myself – but I normally have to fight the children for it!) (Mind the contrasting stripes on the pic of Brodie in the chair, it wasn’t good planning!)



While this was all going on, my fur babies of course continued to grow, and to grow their friendship. They learnt to share the kennel, and learnt to get in a lot of mischief together – and I’m not sure if I have referred to this here before, but they will, from this day forth be known as dumb and dumber – just not sure which is which!

Lucy now sleeps outside with Emma at night, which is just lovely for everyone, especially me not having to clean the laundry down every day. Emma has always been the dog you can leave the gate open and she won’t go out of it – well, at least for the most part – but just in the last couple of weeks we have rescued Lucy from the front yard twice! As we live on a fairly busy road, it’s a little worry, and one that we are still trying to think of a way around.

I guess that get’s to bringing us up to the new year! New year’s eve was really quiet. In fact, I spent the first half of it, after discovering for about the fourth time that we were still fighting headlice after thinking we had conquered them, treating everybody’s hair. I cannot tell you how sick of this I am. I cannot tell you how many hundred’s of dollars (literally!) we would have been spent on treatments and combs and such – and how much time I have spent combing and treating! This was my last attempt – I would do it then, again in the 6/7 days that is recommended based on the life cycle of lice, and if that didn’t cover it – then we were having crew cuts! Well I did it that night, and when only a couple of days later Travis was scratching again slightly I didn’t even bother with the follow up. We did the crew cuts! Now let me just say, how much it broke my heart and how much I really detest the fact that I have given my children that haircut – but it was school holidays, and summer, and I figured, better now. I myself went short again too (and I mean SHORT – like shorter than the average man’s hair cut!) – which I was a few years ago, and hubby has constantly asked me to cut it short again anyway, so he was kind of rejoicing. The crew cut dealt with it nicely for the boys, Andrew hasn’t been affected that much by it all other than initially, and I’m hopefully – almost on top of it for myself, though it obviously has required treating more on my hair, as it isn’t crew cut short like the boys (they had a number one – apparently anything longer isn’t necessarily an effective mechanical means to get rid of lice!), but it is short enough now that I can deal with it effectively. And with my new home remedy (Listerine mouthwash for 2 hours followed by vinegar for 1 hour followed by A LOT of combing) I feel like I’m having the most success I have so far! Seriously, if anyone out there needs to know anything about lice or various suggested methods for dealing with them – I am now informed! I have done countless hours of research on the little buggars!


Shortly after new year’s we had my girlfriend and her family over for a lovely little bbq get together – and I began to teach her to scrapbook, digital style. We’d both been getting increasingly excited about it, and although I only taught the absolute basic functions of photoshop (like starting a page, opening and copying elements and papers and such), moving them around and resizing, and adding shadows) I think she is going to pick it up quite well. The really really super exciting bit about it for me is that it renewed the excitement and love of it enough for me that the next night I literally said BUGGER IT – forgot about the house and the business and everything else and did a long awaited first layout (that I have done anyway, my gorgeous friend Beth had done a few for me previously – see previous blog posts) of my sweet baby girl.

I’m actually stoked with the way it turned out – I love it. Hubby hates the black paper with it, but I think it needed something rich to go with the red wrap I used in the photo’s. The layout itself is a scraplift of a gorgeous teddy layout over at 2peas. I was a little naughty and haven’t written down exactly what I used from where, but I can tell you it was all either Christina Renee, Shabby Princess or Kate Pertiet (I can get exact credit’s if someone would like to know *exactly* where something came from – I’ll edit this post with them shortly), Kellie Mize for the alpha, and Atomic Cupcake for the rolled tear action.

It’s funny how 6 weeks of school holidays can go by so quickly, and we haven’t really done anything. January, unfortunately, is our business’ busiest time, so day trips as a family (and I don’t drive far by myself) were very limited, but we still managed to get quite a few fun activities in. Lots of playdates, dinners with friends, a beautiful sunny afternoon with the race and slide the kids got for Christmas last year and had never used due to water restrictions (we had the water in the tank for it this time). It’s a very convenient toy – when the kids get thirsty they don’t need to go inside for a drink.



That’s getting close to bringing us up to date (*thank goodness* you say!). Travis has just returned to school the last week – and trust me, that’s a mighty good thing! He is ultra happy about about a couple of the kids that have wound up in his class, and I’m ultra happy about 1 or 2 kids that haven’t. LOL. The last half of the holidays, Travis and myself have been clashing heads quite a bit. He is the sweetest of sweet, gentlest of gentle, but he is also a incredibly bored child who has a tendency to see the negative in everything! I feel somewhat responsible for the latter, as I know I’m prone to that myself and try my hardest to keep it in check! When he becomes “woe is me” I have been sitting down with him and showing his the positives. But the boredness brings me undone – especially just following his birthday and Christmas. I am told it’s a standard “intelligent child” symptom, but unless it is computer orientated (computer games, Nintendo, etc), he is not interested in anything, unless I can do it with him (hence the board games for Christmas that he loves so much)! I am also told also, that children in this situation normally do find that “toys” do eventually catch up with them and the problem rectifies itself, but seriously….WHAT DO I DO IN THE MEANTIME? And I’m determined to stick to the household rule that Nintendo is for Sundays and school holidays only. I don’t want him coming home every afternoon to 3 hours of Nintendo!

Brodie has done so much growing! Much to the dismay of the majority of professionals, she began solids at 4 months of age (I like my Drs. theory of children needing solids when they reach double there birth weight – that is generally around 6 months, but for all three of my children who have just packed on the kilo’s, we have only made it *JUST* to the 4 months without food, which coincindentally, was when they were double there birthweight!). Because she was so young, I kept her just on lunch for quite a while, then she began breakfast mid January, and dinner just in the last week. She loves all food! Other than home made apple, which is a little too concentrated for her, I don’t think I’ve found a taste she doesn’t tolerate well. I would have to say that Pear is her fave though! She rolled onto her tummy for the first time on New Year’s Day, but at 6 and a half months old, still refuses to believe she can get back! So standard routine is, put baby on floor, baby rolls over, baby looks around for a minute or two, baby screams. How do you teach a baby to roll back? LOL.

She is sitting quite well by herself, but not by any means stable enough to be left like that as yet. She loves her toes. She loves squealing. She loves her brothers. She has one tooth, as of 10 days ago. She has pretty much outgrown her Bumbo, unless I’m desperate, and isn’t really using the pram as a seat around the home much now either. Playing in the high chair has become one of her favourites. As has sitting in the rocker, that she wasn’t too keen on earlier, to watch some TV (I know – terrible isn’t it! But it’s always Brainy Baby series or Baby Bright she is watching, honest!) She no longer sleeps through the night, although she is becoming pretty good again now. She went through the stage of refusing to eat during the day when there was so many people to talk to and so many things happening, but happily – her, not me – waking up 3 times a night to have a good feed then. She is just gorgeous, and a delight to have around! She has her moments, of course, and you pretty much know that if we have to take her out at night, she is going to wind up overwhelmed, overtired, and damn near impossible. I dread nights out at the moment, I usually wind up retreating to a dark corner where ever it is that we may be, baby in arms, to calm her down. Thankfully, it does work!

Cooper is back at pre-school again. Thursdays and Fridays again. I was really disappointed to see the one good friend, Nate, that he had made at preschool last year (which unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to know the family or the child) isn’t there with him again this year. Cooper is Cooper. Everybody falls in love with him. He is the child in our family who disagrees for the sake of disagrees, who gets to dictate how we cut his sandwiches because it just isn’t worth it if we do it wrong, who is prone to tantrums, who is a handful to take shopping, who doesn’t eat a good portion of his dinner even though his older brother at the same age had to, but he is “too stinkin’ cute” about everything he does, and he is such a charmer. And in a lot of ways, he really is quite easy to be around, because when he isn’t throwing his tantrums, he will happily amuse himself when I’m busy. He’s had a rough time lately with his nightmares, the dermatitis, and he hated the crew cut, become very unsure around unfamiliar places or people – but he is still Cooper. The child with the smiling eyes – if there was ever a child who’s eyes smile – you know, the kind that you could cover up the rest of their face except the eyes and still know when they were smiling – it’s Cooper.

Ok, enough rambling. That’s a big enough recollection, for the purpose of my memory in years to come. Does anyone know if there is a record for the longest blog post? LOL.